Steve asked me out for a drink and a meal this evening. It was pretty cool, actually. I like getting calls on the spur of the moment, especially on a Friday night. ^_^

I wonder... I can't help wondering... (lmao - I'm starting to sound all coy!!!)... if he's... (*laughs at self again*)... interested in me. I have a feeling I should have put that in inverted commas... 'interested' in me. That thought... makes me want to laugh hysterically. I'm not sure why, except that its late and I'm tired and I get hysterical easily when I'm tired. There just strikes me as something funny about it...

Probably it seems strange (funny-haha and funny-peculiar, both) because he's so hardline. I mean, he's a 'good boy'... hehe. Human, of course... but... more hardline than me. I agree with him 100% on some of the things he says, but some of them seem... restrictive to me. I don't mean exactly the things themselves, but the atmosphere that exudes from him saying them. If that makes any sense.

I couldn't help getting the impression he was... I dunno... can I use the word 'interested' again? lol. Yeah................. He was telling me about some issues in his life at the moment... but also... things like... happening to mention about some girl that had been interested in him but he wasn't interested in her... because she didn't share the same values... and... texting his friend, who I don't know, and saying 'hi from Kinsao' (his friend is gonna be wondering 'who the hell is Kinsao?!?)... it's like as if he wanted his friend to know he was with me... to get an excuse to explain who I am... I think I'm totally not making sense here. *I* know what I mean... even if no one else does...

Anyway, he's calling for me tomorrow morning to go to this fete-thingy, and then he suggested we go for a walk in the afternoon. Actually I'd been hoping to get at least the later part of the afternoon at home to catch up on some things, but it doesn't look like that's going to be happening, seeing as the walk he's suggested is about 19km! >< I gotta do it, though, it's a matter of honour... seriously, if 19km would make me tired I ought to be ashamed of myself! Jeez, I can even run for 5km and not be tired. << It's the time thing. But I'll get Sunday, at least, to myself! *cheers up*

Hell, it sounds like I don't wanna spend time with him... and obviously, I do (well duuhh... I wouldn't be going if I didn't). I just can't imagine... mehh, I'm gonna use another really outdated phrase... I can't imagine being 'with' him (blehh, I even had to put it in inverted commas... what *is* the matter with me XDD). I don't mean 'with' in *that* way (wow! inverted-comma-fest!)... I meant 'with' in the most innocent, innocuous, happy-coupley way. It's just like... yeah, we share a lot of the same values, but... there are lots of things about me he doesn't know... and I get the feeling wouldn't like if he did... >< And they're things I'm not prepared to give up. I don't want to turn into a resentful slave. <<

Guess I'm reading far too much into little things... but, in the past I've been right about those kinds of things, even directly from the beginning.

It seems to be my fate in life that any guys who are *seriously* interested in me are the ones I can't possibly be with, usually for reasons outside my control. T_T I was thinking back recently to when I was 16. If someone had told me then, that anyone would *ever* ask me to marry them, I'd have literally burst out laughing. It still seems ridiculous to me! But - and this is the oddest part - since then two guys have asked me to marry them (well, two seriously and one out of desperation... lol... I don't count him ><). And I couldn't accept either of them, for technical reasons which are too complicated to go into here and which would compromise their privacy anyway. I always used to say that I could never accept anyone who asked me to marry him, because the very fact of him asking the question would mean he was not quite right in the head. It would seem that that's true. <<